With everyone's favorite Hallmark Day upon us, it is time to bring back up this post Terri wrote a couple of years ago. A classic in my opinion (and just so you know, she is going to dinner tonight with her publisher and co-authors . . . so honestly, we don't celebrate it)! Enjoy.
Posted by Terri:
At my insistence, Darren and I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. I don’t want flowers, candy, jewelry, a card: seriously I don’t want anything. His friends sometimes laugh at him with comments like, “You’re going to be in big trouble. They always say that and then get mad if you don’t get anything.” (“They,” I assume represents all women; and the only other thing I can assume from a statement like that is that all women are manipulative liars who only want you to buy them stuff?) The reasons for my aversion to everything Valentine are many and follow in a random “stream of consciousness” style.
First of all, I am practical to a fault. Flowers die. And I appreciate them much more when they are the result of an independent thought, not the result of media bombardment and social pressure. Chocolates disappear after a day or two while the consequences of eating them remain with me (to be specific, they remain on my hips) for weeks. I don’t like or wear a lot of jewelry and I refuse to wear anything with hearts (unless my son gives it to me). Not to mention the fact that we share a bank account. Maybe I would rather put that money towards a mortgage payment or give it away to someone who doesn’t have a house? And I don’t want a card that someone else wrote and Darren just signs his name to (which he never does). What I do appreciate are those random notes that I get on a day like April 6 or September 18, that he crafted himself and that say the really important things that I need to hear (which he always does). Other things I appreciate: a clean kitchen every night, help with the laundry, the trash taken out, Jacob bathed and in bed every night, good conversation with my husband where my opinion is valued and sought after, consistent support and encouragement to fulfill my dreams…just to name a few things that Darren does consistently that are way better and communicate much more clearly than a stupid box of chocolates.
Valentine’s Day just feels like one more tool of Society to put me in a box that I don’t fit in. Society tells me I’m a female so of course I love all the things that his friend Mass Media is telling my husband to buy me. And if said husband doesn’t buy me said gifts on said day then I should certainly doubt his love for me…... NUTS! It can also be a hugely hypocritical day where men (or women, let’s be fair) who are generally unloving, jerkish types suddenly think that some cute gift and a romantic dinner can make up for the other 364 days of unacceptable behavior. Not to mention the amount of money our country spends on Valentine’s Day, as if there is one American that needs more stuff or chocolate. We could probably put a big dent in world hunger if we all decided to redirect the money we spend on Valentine’s Day. The bottom line is that I just don’t like the boxed up message of the day that love and romance can be bought and sold and that it looks exactly the same for every couple. Forced, pressured romance isn’t true romance.
Now if there are any men out there reading this, please don’t take this as an encouragement to refrain from giving gifts or planning romantic escapades on Valentine’s Day. First, not every woman hears love the way that I hear it. For some people, the giving of gifts does communicate love. The point is that you should know your wife/girlfriend enough to communicate love to her in a way that she hears it and you should do so on a consistent basis. And unless she is a vocal anti-Valentine’s Day advocate like myself (and honestly, I think I’m alone in this), then you can assume that she’s expecting something, but for heaven’s sake, be creative and make sure this isn’t the only day all year long that you are intentional about showing love to your wife/girlfriend. What if you gave her another dozen roses next week too?
And by the way, I’m also a bit of a hypocrite since I will now go to the store to buy my son balloons and drop them off at his school where earlier I dropped him off with a plate full of heart cookies that we decorated together. But I know that one way to show a 3 year old boy how much you love him is to put him in charge of the icing and sprinkles with no regard for the mess he makes!
Happy day between the 13th and 15th of February.
Although this is a great post by Terri, I don't think a re-post counts as blogging, Darren. You still suck at blogging :)
Posted by: Sydney | Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 11:03 PM