This year is in the top two of my busiest at work. The other year, though, was before we had kids. That makes this year the toughest I can remember. I am often behind, home late, up early, backing out of various commitments, and generally trying to keep up. I recognize the patterns. I know the near impossibility (though notice how I still can't concede the slight possibility) of being superman both at work and home. Yet it continues. In part because I lack complete control over my schedule and in part because I allow it.
And so lately I've been pondering the glass and what is in it. Some days (all too many lately) I see a glass half empty. I look at my day like this: Wake up much too early, shower and dress, work for an hour at home, make lunches, wake up the kids, get them dressed, fix breakfast, find odd tasks needing done around the house until school time, drive the kids to school, arrive at work (having already answered a couple of emails and had a call or so on the way in), beat my head against the wall that is my job lately, come home, eat dinner and talk to Terri and the kids, wash dishes, clean up the dog yard (use your imagination), take out the trash, pick up toys, bathe the kids, read them books and put them to bed, grab a quick workout, take a shower, and retire to the couch with Terri for DVR'd programming and some type of stiff drink. Go to bed and wake up to do it all again.
The same day, when the glass is half full (in a shortened version) goes something like this: wake up, enjoy a quiet house and time to get some work in, spend quality time with my kids getting to take a substantive role in parenting as I fix them breakfast and get them to school, go to work where I get to work with very intelligent and hardworking people on intellectually challenging and competitively stimulating legal work for good clients, come home at a decent hour to a home-cooked meal (cooked by Terri who has had a full work day herself), enjoy time with her and the kids, read books with my children who just love spending time with me, get in some exercise and watch whatever I want on tv.
Those are two very different outlooks, but it is the same day. The difference of course is attitude, and attitude, I've discerned, depends on so many factors both within and outside of my control. But recently I've been thinking a lot about time. I have the common habit of filling up every waking minute with something, leaving no room for nothing. No room to just waste time by myself or with others. No time to just sit. And for me, that's critical. I've heard some people talk about margins, leaving extra room in your life. And so I'm trying . . . and finding habits are hard to break.
This weekend was a weekend of creating margins. We went to Livingston to visit friends at Camp Cho-Yeh. Jacob and Stella played with a new friend, Ian, we stayed up talking to our old friends, Matt and Angie, Thomas, Patricia and others late into the night (or rather early into the morning), and I didn't get tired or irritable. I watched football. We watched the sky change colors at sunset. And we rested. And it was good. There's something to that.
Now it is Sunday night. I got half a dozen emails this weekend on projects needing attention on what was already set to be a busy Monday. But this weekend reminded me about life. And life needs to be lived and enjoyed . . . even the busy parts. We'll see how that works.
Edit: Just in case I get to thinking I'm the only one dealing with long days and fatigue, all I have to do is look into the kitchen right now where Terri is sitting (at 11:21 pm on Sunday night) collating ancient greek manuscripts as part of her phd work. That'll put an end to a pity party pretty quickly.
Comments