Like Terri said in the previous post in this series, we were, I guess I would say, shell-shocked after the seminar, hearing stories of difficulties and obstacles to adopting internationally. Romanticizing a decision is easy. I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of not just a different job, but a different career or the times I've looked for a new house or Terri and me have considered moving to Europe for her doctoral work. We get a thought, romanticize it, daydream about it, and then start to research and realize it was just that, daydreaming. We let the daydream go and move on with our daily routine.
So you should know that this time in our lives, the winter of 2001 was like that. Like Terri said, it's easy to know us now, to know us as a family, and imagine that this is how we always were, that this life is the life we've always had or planned. But that wasn't the case in those days and weeks. In fact, it seemed like the longer time dragged on, the longer we avoided talking about it, the more resigned we were becoming to making the decision that adopting wasn't the right decision for us. We distracted ourselves with school and work. The busyness of life has a way of drowning out dreams. We still thought about it, we still brought it up -- it just went from a "when we do this" to an "if we do this." We hadn't shared our plans with anyone, so backing off turned out to be easy.
I really can't explain what happened next. I can tell you. I just can't explain it.
One night we were out walking the dogs around the neighborhood, having a long talk as was routine for us. We landed on "the subject" and light started to seep slowly into that dark place where we both had kept our thoughts captive. So we made a decision right there on our walk. What was our decision? To make a decision. I know, that's a weird way of going about things, but here's what I mean. We had both still been pondering adoption. We had each been looking up at all the obstacles: we had no money, we were both busy with school and work, we had no family closer than three hours away, we had no real support structure, we had no idea how to be a parent. But the thought hadn't fully left either of us. And we had been praying about it. Now I should confess, we both prayed more back then, a subject I'll save for another time, but suffice it to say, we were earnestly seeking some direction. So we decided to make a decision -- to fish or cut bait as we say in Texas (which not being a fisherman, I have to assume means make a decision).
That night when we got home we decided to seek God's heart as best we knew how. We opened a computer program Terri used for school that has a concordance (fancy word for the book that lists all the words in the Bible and where you can find them) and looked up orphan and fatherless and adoption. We didn't do this as a magic Ouiji Board type of experience (you know, think up a question and ask "God" and then open the Bible and whatever is there is your answer), we set out to intentionally look at what the Bible had to say about caring for orphans. What we found was our answer. We printed out the list of passages. Here are just a few:
- You shall not afflict any widow or orphan (Exodus 22:22)
- He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing. (Deut. 10:18)
- You shall not pervert the justice due an alien or an orphan, nor take a widow's garment in pledge. (Deut. 24:17)
- Oh Lord, you have heard the desire of the humble; you will strengthen their heart, you will incline your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed that the man who is of earth may cause terror no more. (Ps 10:17-18)
- A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation. (Ps 68:5)
- Do not move the ancient boundary or go into the fields of the fatherless. (Pr 23:10)
- Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow. (Isa 1:17)
- . . . and do not oppress the widow or the orphan, the stranger or the poor . . . (Zech 7:10)
- I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. (Jn 14:18)
- He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the beloved. (Eph 1:5-6)
- Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. (James 1:27)
That was the night our decision was made. The obstacles that had seemed so huge began to melt away in the face of the strong sense of calling we both felt. Terri would later write in Jacob's Life Book, "Through this process we discovered that the Bible clearly shows that God himself is concerned with the care and protection of the orphaned and fatherless, and we felt he had spoken clearly and directly to our hearts concerning our decision to adopt you. Without God's mercy and grace revealed on the cross of Christ, we were all helpless orphans, and because of his love we were adopted into his family. and ultimately there was no risk, cost, or obstacle that could keep us from you!"
David, the preacher at our church, talked last Sunday about prayer and hearing God. Honestly, I don't pray well. I don't pray much. I wonder all the time whether it is real and whether it makes any difference in the cosmos. I believe on faith that God is good and that God is sovereign, but I so often doubt whether that translates to specific guidance or actual answered prayer. And then I remember that night. I can't prove to you it was God, but I can tell you I believe it was.
So that's how we made our decision. That's when we pushed our chips to the center of the table (few as they were at the time) and declared ourselves to be "all in."
So that you know, I'm not saying those verses mean everyone should go adopt a child. Obviously as a parent with two adopted children, I am a strong advocate for adoption. But I believe God has different paths for different people. Hear this though: I do think those verses say something about God's heart for the fatherless. There is a clear thread running throughout the Bible that speaks to caring for the voiceless, and particularly, the fatherless. We ALL have a responsibility in that. For us, it was adoption.
Terri wrote a sermon for one of her classes that is over in the "Scholar's Corner" in a slightly modified version called "Redemption's Heart." In it she wrote about verses like the ones above that "acting in obedience to these commands, we reveal God's redemption to a lost world in desperate need of it." As those of us with power or a voice or however you want to describe it give ourselves to those without, we reveal through imitation the work of redemption and reconciliation of God. And more than reveal, we proclaim the kingdom of God so often spoken of by Jesus.
In his book, Fields of the Fatherless (an excellent book), Tom Davis writes about the poor and the fatherless and God's command that we not deprive them of justice. He writes, "the sure way to deprive the poor of the justice due them is to do nothing!" And so that night we made a decision to do something.
Recent Comments